Today I’m feeling very grateful for this blog. I know that nobody reads it, and I really don’t care. This is my place to go when I need to vent my frustrations.
It has been a rough few days! It doesn’t help that I’m on my period, but still, rough!! I’m so so tired of be infertile! I’m tired of feeling like a failure! I’m tired of the sacrifices we have to make in order to save the $30,000 that we need to start cycle 1 of IVF. I’m tired of fighting with my husband! I’ve been so proud of us the past 3 1/2 years for the fact that we don’t fight about this stuff, but lately it seems to be all we do. I have so many friends and family members that are pregnant right now and he just doesn’t seem to understand how that makes me feel.
Before Matt and I got married we both decided that I would not finish my degree. All I really wanted was to be a mom. The best damn mom that I could possibly be! So I left school and worked as an admin assistant for 4 years while we were trying. Last August I left my job so we could get ready to do IVF. For one reason or another it keeps getting pushed back. So much that now its to the point we’re we wont be doing it until August of this year….1 year after I left my job. I’m sick of staying at home with nothing to do. I’m sick of feeling worthless. I cant even do the 1 simple thing that every woman is supposed to be able to do and I really just wish that there was someone out there that I could talk to that gets it, gets me.