IUI number 2 was not successful. I’m so disappointed. I REALLY wanted that October baby. Every month when my hopes of being pregnant are shattered I go through a questioning phase. I just want to know why! Why me, why can’t I get pregnant?? Last night we were at dinner and at another table were 2 women. One had a little girl about 1 year old and the other was very pregnant. The one lady kept yelling at her baby and hitting her, it was very upsetting. They left some spare change as their tip and off they went. You could just tell by looking at them that neither one of these women were ready to be parents but they both were. And then there is me. I am SO ready to be a parent! I would be such a good parent. Today at lunch I was asking Matt why those women could have kids and I can’t. I’m more prepared to have a baby, I would be a better mom, and I’m married and financially stable. He told me, “It’s not about worth”. How true this statement is. The reproductive world is so backwards.
So now we take a break. Our next step will be IVF once we have the money saved up. That will hopefully only take 6 months. Waiting is one of the hardest things an infertile couple has to go through. All we do is wait and it never gets any easier.
For now I’m focusing on other things. Next month we’re headed to New York City and then to Baltimore for a photography workshop. We’re also hoping to sell our house soon. I’m hoping that for the time being these things will help take my mind off of having a baby.