Destination Parenthood

The journey of infertility and what it sometimes takes to become a parent

New Addition December 5, 2011

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2 weeks ago, Matt’s sister Megan had a baby. He is the first baby born in Matt’s family in 23 years!! While we are very much in love with our new nephew, it just makes the longing for our own that much more intense; Especially since he resembles Matt so much.

Introducing baby Kyler 🙂

Happy Aunt Ashley

Uncle Matty and his new nephew

 

Still on the Journey

Filed under: Uncategorized — ashleykret @ 8:12 am
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So I’ve had a few comments on this blog recently that really surprised me as I didn’t think anyone read it. Thank you for your comments and words of encouragement, they mean a lot! I can’t believe that I haven’t updated since March! Unacceptable! Especially since so much has happened since then.

In July we had our first cycle of IVF, which was unfortunately unsuccessful.  I think that I put off a post on that because there is no way to adequately describe that kind of heartache. I had a very hard time with IVF. I was sick and bedridden for most of it. I threw up every day and was just miserable.  The progesterone shots left me with huge bruises and unable to walk, until my wonderful hubby figured out the best way to give them. For anyone out there wondering what that was, the thing that worked best for me was to warm the side getting the shot with a heating pad for a little bit and then warming the vial under my arm pit for a couple of minutes to thin it out and then while lying down on my side with my muscles loose, Matt would just very quickly jam the whole thing in! I very rarely felt anything. Slowly release the progesterone into the muscle and then when done massage it really good.

So we had our egg retrieval and were very disappointed to find out that we only had 3 embryos mature and survive. We recieved a call from our nurse that it was looking like none of our embryos would survive to day 5 for a transfer. But 2 did. Our little fighters. At that point I really thought that it was going to all work out. We went in, had 2 embryos transferred over and went home for some more bed rest! The next week I went in for my betas. The day of my 2nd beta I got up and went in super early so they could get the results back to us early that day. Well my coordinator was not in that day so we kind of slipped between the cracks. After calling our clinic 3 or 4 times that day, we finally got a call back at 4:30 that afternoon with the results that they were both negative.  I remember just immediately bursting into tears. We texted our family and friends the bad news and we just laid in bed and held each other and cried for hours.

A couple of weeks later we met with our RE who informed us that looking back at the embryos we had there was no possible way we would’ve gotten pregnant. They just weren’t of high enough quality. I was pretty pissed to have gotten that information after everything we went through. It would’ve been nice to have gone into it a little more cautiously optimistic. Anyway, he ordered more blood work so I went in and had 17 1/2 vials of blood drawn and every test came back negative. We made the decision to not do another cycle right away and instead took a much needed vacation to Maui!

I’m so ready to go back! But more then that I’m ready for a baby. We gearing up for IVF #2 here in a few months!

 

Depressed March 8, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — ashleykret @ 5:12 pm
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Today I’m feeling very grateful for this blog. I know that nobody reads it, and I really don’t care. This is my place to go when I need to vent my frustrations.

It has been a rough few days! It doesn’t help that I’m on my period, but still, rough!! I’m so so tired of be infertile! I’m tired of feeling like a failure! I’m tired of the sacrifices we have to make in order to save the $30,000 that we need to start cycle 1 of IVF. I’m tired of fighting with my husband! I’ve been so proud of us the past 3 1/2 years for the fact that we don’t fight about this stuff, but lately it seems to be all we do. I have so many friends and family members that are pregnant right now and he just doesn’t seem to understand how that makes me feel.

Before Matt and I got married we both decided that I would not finish my degree. All I really wanted was to be a mom. The best damn mom that I could possibly be! So I left school and worked as an admin assistant for 4 years while we were trying. Last August I left my job so we could get ready to do IVF. For one reason or another it keeps getting pushed back. So much that now its to the point we’re we wont be doing it until August of this year….1 year after I left my job. I’m sick of staying at home with nothing to do. I’m sick of feeling worthless. I cant even do the 1 simple thing that every woman is supposed to be able to do and I really just wish that there was someone out there that I could talk to that gets it, gets me.

 

February 11, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — ashleykret @ 1:08 pm

Wow! No posts since May! True to my word we took a step back to breathe and re-group and it was SO needed! We spent the past 8 months still “trying” but not with any help from doctors or drugs. We spent the time traveling a lot. We went to NYC, Maryland, North Carolina, South Carolina, Seattle and Mexico. We had a blast; but its time to get serious again.

Yesterday we had our first appointment over at the Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicine or SIRM. It was a very informative meeting but also a tough meeting. All along Matt and I had been planning to only pay for 1 round of IVF at a time and take it cycle by cycle. However we’re actually not that likely to get pregnant on our first cycle of IVF. We’ll have a 60% chance, compared to 85% if we do it 2 or 3 times. So we decided to go with a package that will allow for 2 fresh cycles of IVF and one frozen cycle.  We feel really good about our decision the downer is that we need about $10,000 more dollars before we can start. So we’re looking at July or August for our first cycle of IVF. Yesterday I had a lot of trouble with that. I was hoping to do the April cycle but it just isn’t going to work out but that’s OK. Matt and I are pretty good waiters at this point. Its hard to believe that by the time we do IVF we’ll have been trying for 4 years! How insane is that?!

Until then I’m looking forward to Valentines day coming up, which just so happens to be our 8 year anniversary. And come May we’ll have been married for 5 years! I seriously Love my man…I’m a lucky girl!

 

 

 

The IUI that wasn’t… May 3, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — ashleykret @ 6:36 am
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I’m supposed to be getting my final IUI right now but it unfortunately was canceled. After 8 days of Follistim injections I went to Dr. W on friday morning for my final ultrasound before the IUI and he discovered that they over stimulated my ovaries and I produced too many eggs. He decided to cancel the IUI due to the risk of conceiving multiples. I was crushed! How did I go from not being able to even conceive one to having such a high risk of multiples.  I had spent the last 8 days giving myself shots and spent roughly $1,000 in ulstrasound appointments all for nothing…it was a tough pill to swallow. 

I will say that I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband.  He took friday off with me and we just lounged around the house and took it easy.  Then saturday he sent me and my friend Mary to the spa for massages and mani’s and pedi’s…he is serioulsy the sweetest!

So now we’re on the path of In-Vitro.  It will take a few months to save up the $15,000 and for the doctors office to get prepared for us.  So we’re taking the summer off of all things fertility and we’re just going to enjoy it.  We have several trips planned in the next several months so we’re just going to make the most of it being just the two of us for a little longer.

 

Pin Cushion April 27, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — ashleykret @ 9:54 am
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When I was little I would sit and watch my mom sew. While she was busy making me a new dress or costume I would play with the pin cushion, taking the pins out and putting them back in over and over. There was some resistance when sticking a pin in a fresh spot, and then I’d pull it out and there would be a little hole left behind.  This is exactly how my abdomen looks right now…just like a pin cushion full of little holes (only I bruise also).  I’m on day 6 of my Follistim injections and I can’t wait for them to be over.  At first they didnt hurt, but they’re starting to a little more each night.  Thankfully, I think tonight is my last night.  I went for my first ultrasound monday morning and had several eggs they just need to grow some more. So Dr. W upped my dosage on the Follistim and gave me another cartridge. I go back tomorrow morning for another ultrasound and hopefully the eggs will be big enough to do the IUI on Thursday or Friday.  I’m planning to stay in bed all day on IUI day to help myself relax and also to help gravity out a little bit..I figure it can’t hurt! Matt and I have our fingers crossed and have been saying our prayers that God blesses us this month.  Infertility is so straining. I’m just so glad that I have such a wonderful husband, its truly brought us closer together instead of causing us to drift apart. I know that if we can make it through infertility and come out on the other end together then there isnt anything we can survive. I love you babe, thank you for all of your support and encouragement.

 

Bad Day April 15, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — ashleykret @ 8:41 am
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I’m having a bad day today and feeling sorry for myself.  Today or tomorrow I will be starting my Follistim injections to get ready for the final IUI using the IVF drugs.  I’m just so frustrated and sick of all of this.  I’m sick of seeing pregnant people and especially sick of hearing pregnant people complain about being pregnant.  If only they knew how lucky they are!!  I’m not ready for that crap my body is going to go through because of the IVF drugs.  I dont do well on any medications and the infertility drugs have proven to be especially hard on me. 

It’s so unfair!! I know I sound like a 5 year old and you’re probably thinking “Lifes not fair Ashley” and I know that, but its hard to think like that right now.  It’s hard to think like that when I see 2 young girls in the car behind me both smoking cigarettes with an infant seat in the back.  It’s a guarantee that that was an unplanned pregnancy unless they were part of some crazy high school pregnancy pact (Thank you Lifetime) and they dont give much thought to the fact that they have a baby.  They were given the ability to get pregnant and birth a child and they’ve totally taken that for granted!! That Pisses me off!!

GRR! Rant Over!

Wish me luck on my next IUI. You may also want to wish the next complaining pregnant person I encounter good luck as well, I’m a woman on fertility drugs and can’t be held responsible for my what comes out of my mouth!